“If It’s Meant to Be, It Will Happen”: Helpful Wisdom or Harmful Belief?
Exploring the Power and Pitfalls of a Common Albanian Saying
The phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will happen” is a common saying in Albanian culture. It’s something mothers and grandmothers often say, offering comfort when life gets tough—especially around matters of dating or finding a partner. Intended as reassurance, this saying is meant to inspire hope and perseverance.
Yet, as I have observed in therapy with young Albanian clients, this popular expression doesn’t always have the intended effect. Many young people feel frustrated, hopeless, or even angry when they hear it, sometimes blaming their mothers or the broader culture for holding onto what they see as an outdated or “ridiculous” belief.
Interestingly, even those who dislike the phrase find it hard to fully reject. There’s a tension between their desire to break free from this mindset and a part of themselves that still clings to it. This inner conflict can generate powerful emotions—resentment, helplessness, or a deep sense of being misunderstood.
As someone who has always believed in this expression, I never really questioned its impact—until my clients brought it up. In one therapy session, I asked, “What does this mean to you?” The response was striking; something along these lines:
“It means that it doesn’t matter what you do, things are predestined. It makes you feel out of control. People who say this just passively wait for things to happen. But things don’t just happen—you have to make them happen.”
I understood this perspective, especially knowing the challenges my clients have faced as immigrants—working extra hard, overcoming countless obstacles. For them, the phrase can feel like a trigger, a reminder of all the hurdles they’ve had to overcome.
Reflecting on my own experience, I realized that my interpretation of the phrase was different. So, I asked:
“Do you think there might be another way of looking at this?”
This question led us to a deeper, more honest conversation—one that reached the wounded part of my client, a part we hadn’t accessed before. It also made me reflect: while this saying had “saved” me during difficult times, for others it created feelings of helplessness, anger, and a sense of unfairness.
The truth is, there’s no single right or wrong way to believe or think. What matters is what works for each person—and interpretation makes all the difference. Together, we found another way to understand the phrase: There is only so much we can control. Sometimes, all we can do is have faith that things will work out. Otherwise, the uncertainty of life can feel unbearable. This doesn’t mean being passive or waiting around—it means doing all we can, and then letting go of what we cannot change.
In the end, “If it’s meant to be, it will happen” can be both a source of comfort and frustration. The power of the phrase lies not in the words themselves, but in how we choose to interpret and use them on our journey.